みにくいアヒルの子と愛着障害

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What I want for my whole life

When some bad things happened, people tell me these kind of things all the time .

 

You are you, they are they , don’t care about them

they are nothing for you...

why you even care ?

just move on just forget about this stuff and think about different things, be positive.

dont worry, don’t care about what other people think about you.

dont let other people effect your feeling.

 

Recently I also be told this word.

It’s not what you want , you are saying her feeling.

Because she said so, so I do this 

because she doesn’t like me so I don’t like her.

My action is based on what other people’s action.

 

People offen says like just follow your heart 

then .... if I follow my heart 

It’s all about acceptance from people ...

 

I recently realized what i want is nothing but acceptance from people 

I want people to admit me or complement me or like me or love me or make me belong to their group or treat me specially in a good way 

thats all matters for me 

That is the thing I never get since I was little kid.

 

Of course it’s not only me who want acceptance from people.

We all want acceptance from people that’s for sure .

 But that’s not all about it.

What you want is actually more important than people’s acceptance to enjoy your life.

but what if the acceptance from people is your biggest dying list then you gonna look for this for your whole life 

In another word, everytime when you make decision, you decision is based on your number one priority which is acceptance from people.

You don’t even realize what you do is all about how to be liked or how to be compliment and never about what you want.

That’s very devastating.

Because people don’t accept you all the time.

some people don’t like you without any reasons.

Even you try so hard to be liked....

 

So day by day you will be tired and devastated.

You change your decisions only because you want to make other people like you.

That’s what I am now.

i don’t know why I’m so devastated all the time.

But I really feel why I’m always feeling devastated, it’s because I don’t do what I want to do.

Maybe other people has completely different perspective,

From other people looking at me. I look like I am doing what i want, but the truth is not .

 

Your happiness is always up to people.

That’s so dangerous and sad.

 

But mosf saddest thing is that you are not in control for your craving.

when you are thirsty you need sth to drink.

You can’t make you think you don’t need water 

its very simple.

If you are dying to need acceptance from people then you need that.

 

That is what i want for my whole life.

 

But since I know it’s hard to get what i want then I have no choice but need to make me think I don’t need water.

and that’s very excruciating.